Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
