I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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