We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
