I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
