yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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