Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
