The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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