White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
