just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
