your parents love me but you hate me
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
