I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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