If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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