dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have already put on my inside pants.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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