you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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