What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
