Pants 0. Shit 1.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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