It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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