Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
