I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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