you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
