My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
They have beer where we have blood.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
