I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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