I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
