Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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