please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
