Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
