okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
