I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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