All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
