Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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