You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
