I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
