so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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