By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
