I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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