Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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