I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
