He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
