the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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