We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You did what with his pubic hair?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
