I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
