It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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