we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
