Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I enjoy the company of your penis
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
