Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
