3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
