Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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