all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
