i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
