It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize