And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
