take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
