i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
