SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
