i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
