i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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