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We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she smelled like a LAN party
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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