Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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