Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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