so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
