You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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