also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
