i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
