Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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