Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
