Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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