i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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