I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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