i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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