so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
