if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Two words: nipple clamps
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