I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
