these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
