no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
