she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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