She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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