Non-Jews are for practice
Moan for me like Helen Keller
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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