I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Randomize
