I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
