i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Send help, water and tortillas.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
