trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Oh god it's open bar.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
