Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
