Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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