Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
