Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
