I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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