Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Terrible idea I love it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
