Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
