You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
