Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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