This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Say something about gay babies.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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