It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
